Loss
by theonlythingthatsevermattered
Summary: A conversation I would like to see between Elizabeth and Griffin. Just a little oneshot I thought up a couple days ago.


A/N: Because I needed something positive to think about.

* * *

 _~Elm Street Pier~_

He paced the docks, pausing once in awhile to run a hand through his raven black hair or to reread the damning piece of paper in his shaking hands.

The overwhelming sense of loss engulfed him, overloading his senses as he struggled to take a deep breath. Finally folding the paper and placing it in his inside suit jacket pocket, Griffin fidgets with his hands as he struggles to think of what to do next. He is- _was_ a father. In a matter of moments, he had lost something he never knew he wanted until it was in his life. Until _she_ was in his life.

For years, he had felt like he had been experiencing a crisis of faith. He had done something so against his ideals, something that went against his faith, something that was forbidden by the very institution that he wholeheartedly believed in. What does that make him?

He would often give advice to his patrons in similar situations, but never before had he anticipated the shoe being on the other foot. Never before had he experienced this crushing feeling of guilt.

But then one day he met this little girl, and suddenly the world felt right again. The feeling of regret and guilt slowly ebbed away as he got to know the fiery and feisty blonde five year old. And even then, he could no longer feel guilty for his actions. Not when they had given them the most precious gift in this world.

But just like that, just when the world finally held meaning again, it was gone. He no longer had a daughter. He no longer had this gift that had come to mean so much to him in such a short amount of time. It was like a candle had been snuffed out.

He could feel the tears welling up as he heard footsteps on the steps behind him. Quickly wiping at his eyes, Griffin puts on a brave face as he greets the stranger. Only it's not a stranger.

"Elizabeth, hello." Griffin musters as he gives her a small smile. She looks at him for a moment, as if she can see right through the mask he had placed upon his face.

"Hi Griffin, I was just heading home from a long shift at the hospital. The scheduling has been a bear since the reopening." Elizabeth rambled as she studied Griffin.

Something was wrong. His eyes were dim and she could clearly tell he had been crying. His black suit was rumpled and his hair disheveled.

"I'm sure Dr. O has been in rare form then," Griffin inquired as he adjusted his tie. He nervously chuckled as Elizabeth smiled.

"Oh you know, every day with her is a nightmare." Elizabeth pulled her jacket closer as a chill crept over the waterfront. "I was just on my way to Kelly's for some hot chocolate before I brought the boys home dinner."

Griffin winced when she said boys, but rubbed the back of his neck to hide it. "Oh, well I wouldn't want to keep you waiting. Have a nice night, Elizabeth."

He moves past her, but stop when he hears his name. He turns around to see worry and concern on her face.

"Are you okay? Is there something wrong with Charlotte?" Elizabeth asked as she took a step closer. Griffin looked away, and Elizabeth realized that something was very wrong. "Griffin, what is it? You can tell me."

Griffin readjusts his tie for probably the tenth time that night. She stops before him before she touches his arm. He looks down at her, unshed tears threatening to fall.

"Hey, it's okay. Charlotte is going to be fine, you're a great father." The tears were flowing now, and before he knew it, his arms were around her, desperately holding onto her as he wept.

Elizabeth was surprised, never seeing Griffin like this. In the short amount of time that she has known him, he had always been in good spirits. After a moment, she embraces him, even so far as running a hand up and down his back trying to soothe him.

Griffin collects himself, and pulls away. He wipes at his eyes, suddenly very aware of what just happened. "I'm—uh-I apologize for you seeing me like this. I just-I'm sorry." He tries to move, but Elizabeth grasps his wrist, and he meets her questioning gaze.

"You don't have to apologize. If there's something going on, I'm here." She squeezed his hand, and gave him a tentative smile. He nodded his head, and she dropped his hand.

Griffin walks over to one of the benches, sinking into it and feeling much older beyond his years. He leans forward, placing his head in his hands as he struggles to explain what's happened.

He takes one last look at Elizabeth, who's still standing near the edge of the pier, and he's suddenly pouring his heart out to her.

"I had to attend a court appearance today. It's why I wasn't able to take on the Paterson case with you. Instead, I had to go to court because Charlotte…she's uh…she's not my daughter."

He could hear the small gasp pass through Elizabeth's lips, but he doesn't look up. He toys with the small rosary around his wrist, silently praying that somehow he is able to get through this.

Elizabeth sits down beside him, unsure of what to say or do. She had been in this situation before. Her friends had lost children. They had gained children. Even she has lost children before. But with Griffin, it was different. Yes she hadn't known him for very long, but to see him so dejected and crestfallen, she was at a loss for words.

"Years ago, I had met this woman while still in the priesthood. We shared this connection. I never claimed to be perfect, for we are human, but I made a mistake. One which I carried with me for years. One that was I not proud of…until I met my daughter." Griffin shuddered at the thought that he could no longer call Charlotte his daughter.

"As a priest, you are to uphold these rules bestowed upon you. That you are to remain celibate and true to God. But, I broke that sacred rule. And I…I had never felt so ashamed in my life. I had never felt so guilty. After-after I decided to take a leave of absence from the church. I left to find myself, to reconcile my actions with God. It was during this time that I had found out that I was Duke Lavery's son." Griffin leaned back against the bench, glancing over at Elizabeth to see that she was intently listening to his story. He looks down and smiles, grateful for her presence because somehow she made this easier to talk about. She made it less painful to relive the worst time of his life.

"Anna told me what happened. I'm so sorry you never got a chance to meet Duke. He was a wonderful man. I know he would have been proud of you." Elizabeth states, and places a hand on top of his. Griffin looks down at joined hands, then gazes at her. She smiles at him, and God help him, he smiles back.

"Thank you. I'm not sure he would have been proud of me during those years." Griffin confessed and he felt her squeeze his hand.

"We are human. We all make mistakes that we regret. It's in our nature, and it's up to us how we deal with those mistakes." Elizabeth squeezes his hand one more time before removing it. Griffin nods his head before continuing.

"It wasn't too long after my sabbatical that I decided to take up medicine. Even as a priest, I always had a passion for helping people. At the time, I felt like I had failed them and God, but he had given me this second chance. I actually went to med school with Lucas, and that's how I happened upon Port Charles. Well that, and I found out that Anna lived here."

He could feel the lump in his throat as he pressed on. "As you know, I found out about my daughter a couple weeks ago. For such a long time, I viewed my affair with Claudette as the single worst mistake I had ever made. I went against God and my ideals because I was selfish. But from the moment I met that little girl, any feeling of guilt dissipated. Should I feel guilty because I no longer feel guilty? Is it wrong of me to be proud of this, to be proud that I have a daughter even though my actions made me hate myself?"

Elizabeth was silent for a moment as she gazed out at the waters, listening as it lapped against the pier. "I have made many mistakes in my life. Ones that I will always regret for as long as I love. Ones that were made for selfish reasons, because I wanted to be happy and damn the consequences. Because I was tired of losing and seeing others win. I placed my happiness above others, above the ones I loved, and it still didn't work. But never once have I regretted my children. Never once have I doubted my decisions when it comes to my boys."

She crosses her arms over her chest as Griffin listens. He is curious, for she had never spoken of her children like this before. Sure, sometimes she shared something funny they did, but she never divulged something so personal.

"My first son, Cameron, I had him when I was young. Too young to have a child, and where I was in my life, I wasn't ready. I was an artist, and still married in an unhappy marriage. It was in shambles, and I had an affair with one of my good friends. I regretted it up until the day I found out I was pregnant. After that, I realized I had been given a gift. I enrolled in nursing school and gave up my dream of painting in Manhattan so I could provide for my child. There are days when I think back to that night, if I had just went home or declined his offer. But then I see Cam work through a difficult math problem, or help his brothers clean up their room, and just like that, any kind of doubt I had vanished."

She looked over to see Griffin gazing back at her. She can see he's interested, for they had known each other for such a short time that he was almost surprised she was sharing this. She combed a stray strand of hair before her ear. "So…what happened today in court?"

Griffin clears his throat. "Oh-uh I-well a couple days ago I ran into this man at the Metro Court while with Charlotte. His name is Valentin Cassadine, he-"

He stops when he sees Elizabeth shudder with fear. Confused, he touches her should in concern. "Elizabeth, what's wrong? Do you know him?"

Elizabeth fidgets with her fingers before she looks over at Griffin. "Not personally, no. But he's the man who killed my friend, Nikolas." She chokes out his name, and can fear the tears welling up.

Griffin sighs. "I'm so sorry for bringing him up. If I had known, I wouldn't…" Elizabeth waves him off before wiping her eyes.

"It's okay, you didn't know. It's just still painful to think about it." She gives him a small smile, one which he tries to return.

"Well, he confronted me at the restaurant, and told me that he was Charlotte's father. I didn't believe him because Claudette had never mentioned him, not when I was with her or recently. But he had some signed documents stating that he was the father. Anna and I took him to court, where the judge order a paternity test." Griffin shudders as he pulls out the piece of wrinkled paper he had been handling earlier that night.

Elizabeth looks over at the paper, and he hands it to her. She pours over the results, stating that Griffin was indeed not the father of Charlotte. After one more glance, she folds the paper and hands it back to him.

"Griffin…I'm so sorry." Elizabeth looks over at him to see him run a shaking hand through his hair. She hesitates, not sure if she wants to continue, but then he looks at her with such a great amount of loss in his eyes that she herself has felt. "A few years ago, I thought I had lost my son Jake."

Griffin gives her a quizzical look. "One night, he was playing with his toys and for just one second, I took my eyes off of him and he had wandered out onto the street and got hit by a car. Patrick and Robin did everything they could to save him, but it just wasn't enough."

She could feel that numbing sense of dread creep into her heart as she relived those hours spent in the hospital, unsure if her son would live. Griffin watched as her breathing picked up and she started to shake. He placed a hand on her shoulder, almost willing her to look at him. And she does.

"That night, I lost my son and my whole world tilted on it's axis. I didn't know how I was going to make it. Every breath I took was one that my son no longer would. For years, I lived with that guilt. The only reason I stayed strong was because of Cam and Aiden. I had to be strong for them. I _had_ to."

Elizabeth let the sob escape her lips, and she closed her eyes as she thought back to those months where she could barely hold it together in front of her sons. Griffin is stunned, not sure how to react at first. Then he places an arm around her shoulder, and can feel her head lean against his as he closes his eyes.

He could feel her pain rolling off of her in waves, and all he could do was absorb it. He wanted to take it away, for he was feeling a similar kind of loss. After a few minutes, Elizabeth collects herself and pulls away.

"I'm sorry for breaking down on you like that. Even though Jake's here, and he's happy and healthy, I just can't forget those years without him." Elizabeth admits. Griffin pulls out a pack of tissues and hands it to her. She gives him a warm smile before dabbing at her eyes.

"You just never really get over losing a child. Before I even lost Jake, I had suffered two miscarriages. You just…that pain never goes away."

Griffin looks out at the water, listening to her words as he resides himself to that same fate.

"After I found out that Charlotte was mine, for awhile I didn't know how to feel. Suddenly there was this little human that depended on me for everything. And now that she's gone, I feel like a piece of me is missing. Like I feel incomplete. I never knew what I wanted until she was gone."

Elizabeth gripped his hand, and placed her head on his shoulder as they both watched the water in a comfortable silence. It had been so long since she had talked about her past with someone that she no history with, someone who wasn't quick to judge her, that it was almost cathartic.

Griffin closed his eyes, trying desperately to not sink into his pain. He listens to Elizabeth's quiet breathing match his own as he thinks about what's next.

"Elizabeth?"

"Hmm?"

"How do you do it?"

Elizabeth looks up at him and can see that he is genuine in his question. "I know the pain never goes away, not completely. Some days it lessens, other it seems like it's going to swallow you whole. I think learning to live with it, to move with the pain, not try to get beyond it, is how you deal with it."

Griffin nods his head at her advice.

"You know, you're wise beyond your years, Miss Webber." He smiles and she can see a slight twinkle in his eyes return. She smiles back, happy that she can recognize the kind man she had met when her world was falling apart.

"Oh stop, Mr. Munro, you're too much." She giggles as they both smile at their antics. She then glances down at her watch to see that her babysitter would be leaving soon. Elizabeth surprised herself by regretting that she had to leave. Griffin notices.

"I'm sure your sons are probably eager to see their mom come through the door with dinner. I'll leave you to it." Griffin stands up, and Elizabeth follows his lead. She stops as she sees him head in the opposite direction.

"Griffin!"

He stops and turns around to face her.

"I was just going to head over to Kelly's for hot chocolate before I grab dinner." Elizabeth folds her arms over her chest. "Would you like to join me?"

Griffin smiles and walks beside her. She smiles back and they head up the steps in the direction of the small diner. She glances up at the man beside her, a small smile on his face.

As they approach the diner, Griffin grabs the door and holds it open. Elizabeth looks up at him in a newfound appreciation for their burgeoning friendship. He shares the same sentiment as he follows her into the warm and homey café.

At the start of the night, he felt himself falling into this dark hole with no way out. But now…now he could feel that slight sliver of hope that somehow he would learn to move with the pain. He watches as Elizabeth places her order for two hot chocolates, grateful that she had walked down those pier steps.

She turns around to face him and smiles, and for the first time he days, he smiles back and means it.

 _fin._


End file.
